The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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