does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
