if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Randomize
