oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
