So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
love makes seman taste better
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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