Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
