i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
