so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
