Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
