it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
