break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
