two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
