I swear she didn't look like that last week.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
