I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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