One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
