my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
