The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
