My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Holy shit dude........stairs
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
