I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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