you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
