So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
