3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
zippers are such a cool invention
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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