he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
