You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I am one with the molecules
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
