I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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