I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
