I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
