its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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