meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
