At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
