dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
