I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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