come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
