great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
