I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
