just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
