proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
