Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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