I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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