Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
