ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
