I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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