This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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