I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
