Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
