The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
