I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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