ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Nicole vs. Life
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
