I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
This toilet bowl is my home.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
