I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
