i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
