The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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